By Rusty Draper
It seems I’ve been officially old for a long time.
You might ask, “when does a person officially become old?” Mostly old is a state of mind, but in some cases it’s at 55, others 60. In certain stores you can actually get a senior’s discount at this age. I have known people who have refused a discount because they were too proud to admit they qualified as seniors. For the life of me, I just don’t get it. I’m sure these are the same type of people who would put screen doors on a submarine.
I like being a senior citizen. There are all kinds of great deals offered to we old folks. The problem is, when you’re retired, you can’t afford all the deals presented.
One of my favourite things to do is look for sympathy from all those tech-savvy young people. You question that statement I ask? My friend, it works like a charm, and I’ve done it many times. For instance. If you’re having trouble trying to figure out a problem with your cell phone, just go to a store, any store, and ask a young employee for help. The trick is in the ask. With a bit of a shy smile on your face (as if you’re embarrassed,) say to them, “I’m sure that you wouldn’t mind helping out an old man in trouble, would you.” It’s like putting a hot knife into cold butter. They’ll grab your phone so fast because they can’t wait to show you just how smart they really are. But, if by chance you detect a sense that the kid doesn’t care about your dilemma, just give them a little encouragement with a light pat on the shoulder and say something like, “Boy, I wish I was as smart as you.” Soon your phone will be in perfect working order.
Another thing that old people love is Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. My wife is convinced that she’s Vanna White, and I know that I’m Pat Sajak. As far as Jeopardy is concerned, I don’t have an answer to 99% of the questions. I ask myself, “Why would anyone have an answer to a question they know right well they’ll never be asked again in their lifetime?” Why would individuals tax their brains with such useless information? Here’s a prime example of what I’m referring to. On one program, the late Alex Trebek posed this question to the contestants: In “Thus spake Zarathustra,” the voice of beauty speaks softly: “It steals only into the most awakened souls.” The answer OF COURSE for you of less intelligence (Joke) is, Friedrich Nietzsche! You see, I’m sure that God never intended people to be that smart. But if any of you who are reading this came up the right answer, I’ll introduce you to my friendly neurologist.
By the way, if you want to fill your mind with stuff that really matters, you’ll want to know that Vanna White claps her hands an average of 720 per show.
So, there you have it, young people … the life of an old-timer. By the way, my dear wife and I watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy every night … just before bedtime. Yes, you heard it right, I said bedtime. We people of age tire quickly.
Rusty Draper was born and raised in Gravenhurst. His first job in radio was at CKAR in Huntsville, and to end his radio career he was the first voice on Muskoka FM in Bracebridge. Rusty is also a pastor, author, and raconteur.(the fancy way of saying storyteller).
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